Buddy has been a holy terror today. He has already farted on me, snuck into the closet and pooped, and ripped apart a paper towel that I was cleaning with. I have an awful sinus headache and also had to hear him barking loudly at his reflection on the sliding glass door. Oh, and he licked my can of pop right on the opening. He's so rotten....
I don't want this to be a whiny, emo., "I feel sorry for myself" post, so I apologize if it comes off that way. I have just been so depressed lately, um... well... for quite a while actually. The sad thing is, I don't have a thing to be this depressed about and it's a really embarrassing thing to talk about. There's such a nasty stigma attached to depression. E thinks it's him, when really he's the reason I get out of bed in the morning. I tried to make a doctor's appointment today and I'm not having any luck with that. I've tried dealing with it on my own, but it's apparently not working and I don't like the thought of taking medicine, but I think I'm at the point where I'm just going to have to get over that. I really miss my friends too, and that doesn't help. I have yet to make a friend here too, but I think that's a lost cause. I'm quiet and shy and that doesn't help either. I think some people misinterpret me as being snobby and rude, but that's not true at all, I'm just really shy... still, and I hate it. I'm going to force myself to be more social at Ft. Hood. Being here just reminds me of junior high and high school with all of the immaturity that I see and hear about. I never thought I'd say this, but I'm going to be happy to move again. And I really never thought I'd say this, but I'm looking forward to living in Texas. Hopefully I like it since we'll be actually be there for longer than six months, haha!
Hopefully I can get an appointment tomorrow. I'm sick of feeling this way-- I'm sick of being embarassed, ashamed and feeling like there's something wrong with me. Well, I guess there is something wrong, but it can be fixed. I keep telling myself that E doesn't deserve a wife who is sad all the time for no reason, but then I realize that I don't deserve to deal with that also. I guess it's time to change some things. I have every reason to be happy-- a wonderful husband, family (although I'd like to strangle them all sometimes) and friends (even though they're on the opposite side of the country). I have a husband who supports me all the time and a puppy who loves me more than life itself, haha :)
I already feel better. Sorry for the sad post. I'm going to clean the house from top to bottom (I know, it's sick, but it always makes me feel better for some odd reason), I might take a walk, and I might make Hamburger Helper for dinner. No, I don't feel bad about cooking Hamburger Helper for my darling husband, haha-- E is very easy to please when it comes to meals, thank goodness. I hear Iraq does that to a person though, especially since he used to be the world's pickiest eater. Speaking of food, I made the most darling little cookies last night, as I was once again feeling blue and it cheers me up to bake. They turned out well, which is surprising because I have a hard time with cookies, and you can find the recipe here. I made the mint ones and will make them again just because they're so stinkin' cute!
I was finally able to make an appointment while typing this, so hopefully it goes well, although I absolutely hate going to the doctor. If you read this whole thing, sorry if it ended up depressing you too, haha. Just say a little prayer for me :)